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THE WEBLOG: "NOW THAT I'M FAMOUS" | Why Blog? | RSS Feed
An experiment: open letter to Sprint's new CEO.When you take over as the CEO of an ailing cellular phone company with a reputation for the worst customer service in the business, is it wise to put your email address in your commercials? If you choose so to do, will you actually respond to the emails sent to you at that address? And so the great experiment begins. Having recently experienced a level of service unsurpassed in my decade-long tenure as an unsatisfied Sprint customer -- a supervisor suggested I go to the police and file a report in order to access the details of my texting usage -- I decided to drop "Dan" a line and see what he had to say. I am, of course, holding my breath. Full text of irate email - sent late last night - after the jump. Warning: not as humorous as you might hope. Further updates as events warrant. Or fail to warrant. [ more ]
Rah! Rah! (additionally, rah.)
Time to score! It's the bottom of the 4th down, and Pinchbottom is on the ropes with the bases loaded and the tally 40-love. Can the home team birdie the goal from the foul line to slam-dunk the match, or will they stumble into the net on the final lap? You've never seen sports action quite like the action you'll see in Pinchbottom's BALLS! Sporty Burlesque. Whether you're a sports fan or a sports hater, it's a whole nude ballgame! It's not about whether you win. It's about how you lose... your clothes. "A team of scandalous performers who promise to make you fall back in love with foul balls" -Time Out NY coached by Decades later, it remains so very true...Cleaning out the drawer of old papers, perusing previous literary scribbles, I discover this limerick (from high school, no less!), which is especially apropos; Now poor Jonny he felt like a sap Who wants to Sleep Over?
10pm Friday Mar 21 & Sat 22 Advance tickets highly recommended. BUY NOW: 3/21 or 3/22 It's a SLUMBER PARTY IN PINK... and YOU'RE invited! All the most popular girls in school are gonna do LOTS of SUPER FUN sleepover activities -- paint our nails, gossip, pillow fight, perform burlesque acts, even practice kissing! Plus ALL the best party games, like "Truth Or Dare", "Piggly-Wiggly" & "Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board"! Wow! Bedtime never looked so good! (...and don't worry about that murderer who escaped from the asylum down the street -- I'm sure it will be fine!) SNEAK PREVIEW PHOTOS (nsfw, of course) Will You Be Pinchbottom's Valentine?
10pm Friday Feb 15 & Sat 16 Advance tickets highly recommended. BUY NOW: 2/15 or 2/16 Love it or hate it, Valentine's Day is a grim inevitability for us all. But no matter what feelings you have for this annual celebration of the beheading of a Christian saint in the year 269BCE, Pinchbottom can improve your V-Day weekend (and the activities therein) with The Pinchbottom Institute's Groundbreaking Live Seminar: HOW to SEX (a do-it yourself guide.) HOW to SEX (a do-it-yourself guide) covers every aspect of intercourse in a series of ten easy burlesque-based lessons, all presented live on stage. From choosing the best partner or equipment -- to accurately undressing -- to correctly putting the right thing in, around, or on the other thing -- to cleaning up afterwards, the ins and outs of this difficult and confusing task are examined in explicit detail. Each and every facet of sex will be exposed -- even the minor ones, like love and romance! Let the sexy experts of The Pinchbottom Institute for the Sex gently guide you through the simple steps necessary to make you -- yes, you! -- a whiz at HOW to SEX. Led by "Doctor" NASTY CANASTA and "Professor" JONNY PORKPIE (who, as a married couple, have sexed together several times), the seminar also features sex-educational burlesque and variety acts from ANITA COOKIE, BASTARD KEITH, CLAMS CASINO, DELIRIUM TREMENS, JO BOOBS, LITTLE BROOKLYN, NAUGHTIA NICE, SCOTT RAYOW, SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD, and special guest from Seattle, WA, HEIDI VON HAUGHT of the Von Foxies, who will demonstrate the West Coast methods of sexing. Combined, our courteous and professional staff has over 180 years of training in both sex AND making other people want to sex. Act now! This extraordinary offer is available for TWO NIGHTS ONLY, Friday February 15 and Saturday February 16 at 10pm. Whether you're flying solo and starting sex from scratch, or a committed couple that just wants to pick up a few pointers, Pinchbottom's HOW to SEX (a do-it-yourself guide) is the perfect addition to any Valentine's Day weekend plans! SNEAK PREVIEW PHOTOS (nsfw, of course) THE PINCH BROTHERS return to THE BAWDY HOUSE
10pm Friday Jan 18 & Sat 19 Advance tickets highly recommended. BUY NOW: 1/18 or 1/19 Next Friday, January 18 & Sat Jan 19, Pinchbottom returns to the funniest, sexiest edifice in the world with "THE PINCH BROTHERS in THE BAWDY HOUSE", the show that put the double-entendres in double takes and brought a whole new meaning to the word "slapstick". Pinchbottom's loving homage to the Marx Brothers brings you back to the glory days of black and white comedy, with a live action "movie" that would have been far too risque for the MPAA censors. "Tantalizing ode to the Marx Brothers... deliciously perverse, glittering fantasy." -NEXT MAGAZINE When THE PINCH BROTHERS (also sisters) are hired to save an ailing theater, they convert it into a BAWDY HOUSE, complete with ribald comedy, risque magic, and (of course) burlesque! But on opening night, everything goes wrong -- buttons keep popping, pants keep dropping, and the schtick keeps getting schtickier. Hosted by NASTY CANASTA & JONNY PORKPIE, starring ALBERT CADABRA, ANITA COOKIE, BASTARD KEITH, GIGI LA FEMME, LITTLE BROOKLYN, DR. LUKKI, NAUGHTIA NICE, PEEKABOO POINTE, PRECIOUS LITTLE, RUBY VALENTINE, SCOTT RAYOW, TIGGER and CLAMS CASINO & NEIL O'FORTUNE TRAILER On live fish as a centerpiece at a weddingIf one is treading so far down the path of orthodoxy that one must have separate seating for men and women during your wedding ceremony, and similarly prejudiced dance floors, can one still have live goldfish as a centerpiece at one's (kosher) wedding dinner? No, one cannot: cruelty to animals, or Tza'ar Ba'alei Chayim, is forbidden by Jewish law, according to jewfaq.org. "In the Torah, humanity is given dominion over animals (Gen. 1:26), which gives us the right to use animals for legitimate needs. Animal flesh can be consumed for food; animal skins can be used for clothing... We are permitted to use animals in this way only when there is a genuine, legitimate need, and we must do so in the manner that causes the animal the least suffering."Does decoration constitute a "legitimate need" under Jewish law? No. The only needs considered legit: "Animal flesh can be consumed for food; animal skins can be used for clothing. The Torah itself must be written on parchment (animal hides), as must mezuzah scrolls, and tefillin must be made out of leather." -ibid.The well-being of animals is so important that: "We are permitted to violate Shabbat to a limited extent to rescue an animal in pain or at risk of death." -ibid.Does this usage of the fish cause it suffering or risk of death? Incessantly. Transportation to the wedding is stressful, and potentially fatal, to the fish. At the wedding, the fish may not well treated by your guests, especially the younger ones. If the fish are -- as suggested by a card on the table -- taken home by a guest, transportation from the wedding is an additional stress. If the fish are not taken, as most were not, and you have made not other provision for their future welfare, they will likely be discarded as wedding detritus. "Risk of death" is in every moment of using a live animal as decoration. "In the Talmud, the rabbis further dictated that a person may not purchase an animal unless he has made provisions to feed it, and a person must feed his animals before he feeds himself (interpreting Deut. 11:15)." -ibid.A piece of paper on a table passing this responsibility on to your wedding guests in no way fulfills this requirement. Rest in peace, Tesla the centerpiece (left). As for the married couple, I hope this ill omen can be overcome. And may your future decisions not be as ill-advised as this one. Or as trayf. "Judaism has always recognized the link between the way a person treats animals and the way a person treats human beings." -ibid.ADDENDUM: (The next day). Goodnight to you, as well, Edison (right).
A Poem for PinchmasAh, the joy that we get from our holiday show!
Previously...
Pinchbottom for the Holidays Pinchbottom returns to NAKED PLANET Pinchbottom's Sports: One Night Only 70s Cop Show Burlesque Last day of Astroland I'm back! Strap In for the Rides of Your Life Bikini Blowout at Burlesque Beach AND BEFORE THAT... May 2008 | April 2008 | March 2008 | February 2008 | January 2008 | December 2007 | November 2007 | October 2007 | September 2007 | August 2007 | July 2007 | June 2007 | May 2007 | April 2007 | March 2007 | February 2007 | January 2007 | December 2006 | November 2006 | October 2006 | September 2006 | August 2006 | July 2006 | June 2006 | May 2006 | April 2006 | March 2006 | February 2006 | January 2006 | December 2005 | November 2005 | October 2005 | September 2005 | August 2005 | July 2005 | June 2005 | May 2005 | April 2005 | March 2005 | February 2005 | January 2005 | December 2004 | November 2004 | October 2004 | September 2004 | August 2004 | July 2004 | June 2004 | May 2004 | April 2004 | March 2004 | February 2004 | January 2004 | December 2003 | November 2003 | October 2003 | September 2003 | August 2003 | July 2003 | June 2003 | May 2003 | April 2003 | March 2003 | February 2003 | January 2003 | December 2002 | OR, IF YOU PREFER, BY CATEGORY A Sobering Thought | Comic Strip | Detritus | Dreamlog | Famous Friends | From The Files | Inbox | News Analysis | Now That I'm Famous | NYC | Observed/Overheard | Photos | Press | Production Updates | Quotation Ad Propositum | Reviews & Awards | The Early Years | The Gallivants of Fame | The Perfect Sentence | Today in History | Travels | Works | |
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onny Porkpie
